


overthinking, my mind is sinking

by treesandbees



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Day At The Beach, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Homesickness, Langst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sexy Times, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 02:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesandbees/pseuds/treesandbees
Summary: Lance just wants to look into Keith’s eyes, and tell him he loves him. But he wants Keith to say it back and that won’t ever happen.This, Lance is sure of.(lance and keith are enemies with benefits. lance pines. angst ensues)





	overthinking, my mind is sinking

**Author's Note:**

> hi :)
> 
> whew, lance has a lot of emotions. good luck is all i can say🤷
> 
> well, i hope u enjoy :)

Lance pushes forward, hearing a thud as Keith’s back hits the wall. His lips dust Keith’s jawline, following the skin with a soft kiss. He makes his way down to Keith’s throat, pushing aside the high popped collar of Keith’s jacket for better access.

He lets out a desperate groan as Keith pants against his ears. Kissing the arch of Keith’s neck, he drags his lips back up to meet his lips. Keith kisses like he does everything else concerning Lance, furiously and without hesitation.

It’s a blessing and curse, this strange, hate fuelled enemies with benefits agreement they’ve got going on.

Lance threads his fingers through Keith’s hair and tugs lightly, coaxing a guttural groan out of the boy.

They’ve been doing this for a while now, fucking in private, fighting in public. They still argue in the same way they did before, except now, it’s become a sort of foreplay.

Gently untangling his fingers from Keith’s hair, Lance slides his hands round his stomach, savouring the strong muscle there.

He wants to kiss it.

He wants to kiss every part of Keith.

Keith wraps his hands around Lance’s shoulders, his grip tight and unforgiving. His lips are bruising, hard and hot against Lance’s own.

Keith slips his hands under Lance’s shirt, almost ripping it in his haste to tear it over Lance’s shoulders.

Their relationship is hot and tense and hateful.

Lance wants more.

He pulls his lips away to pull his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. Their lips reattach in a matter of seconds.

None of this is slow or gentle, leaving no room to mistake what this is for. It’s rough and dirty- no care, no emotion except lust. It gives Lance no way to pretend Keith isn’t only doing it for the sex. But he wants to pretend, desperately.

Lance just wants to look into Keith’s eyes, and tell him he loves him. But he wants Keith to say it back and that won’t ever happen.

This, Lance is sure of.

* * *

 

They sneak away at any moment they can. It becomes quite often, what with being in space and all- there’s not much to do up there, apart from train, eat and sleep.

Lance always tries to get them to meet up late at night. Keith often falls asleep straight after and since they always meet in Lance’s room, it means Lance gets to sleep next to him.

He can’t help but want more time with him.

Lance can’t help but read into these things- it gives him hope that Keith wants to stay.

Keith sighs in his sleep, drawing Lance’s attention. He shifts his shoulder, his lips curving upwards.

Lance can’t help but stare. Keith is unguarded in sleep, his face calm and sometimes smiling, which always makes Lance’s heart race.

He can’t settle when Keith stays, his heart never calms down enough to properly sleep. So he just lays awake, thinking, and occasionally looking at Keith.

It’s the only time he gets to see Keith’s soft side, because he’s always glaring and frowning at Lance.

He wants to see Keith smile at him.

He wants, he wants, he _wants_.

* * *

They’re on a mission when Lance first notices a slight shift in their relationship.

The team hasn’t had much downtime recently, what with the galra attacking 24/7, trying to get the upper hand.

So, when Allura mentions that there’s a beach on this swelteringly hot planet, they all jump at the chance.

Lance gets the trunks he found when they first came to space. It reminds him of the time him and Keith had to climb up to the swimming pool, back to back. Despite all of their bickering, Lance looks back on it fondly, the memory of Keith’s smile shining over the rest.

Keith is also wearing his red paladin trunks and Lance’s mouth waters at the sight. Keith had been ripped before, but all that training was beginning to pay off.

It’s not like Lance hadn’t ever seen Keith naked- but it’s usually dark and hurried and there’s never enough time to take in anything but the feelings of that very moment.

Lance convinces the others into the water- even though he has to practically drag Pidge kicking and screaming.

“Lance, I will kill you if you-“ She screeches, her fists pummel his back. He almost drops her, letting out an ‘oof’ as she lands a particularly hard punch. She lets out a scream as he readjusts his grip on her. “Don’t you dare drop me!”

He grins playfully to the others, who are all milling about in the water.

Hunk roars with laughter when he sees Pidge has been thrown over Lance’s shoulder, causing Pidge to squirm. She kicks her legs, enraged, making him drop her with a loud ‘splash’.

He begins to laugh, but is cut short when Pidge emerges quickly, running at him and pushing him under the water.

He chokes in surprise, swallowing a mouthful of the weird sweet yellow water that passes for the sea here. The difference is one more thing that reminds Lance how far away he is from home.

He breaks the surface, gasping for air. The sound of laughter hits his ears and he realises the rest of the group are still laughing at his and Pidge’s antics.

He grins, zeroing in on Hunk, who is only a few meters away. He dives under the water, swimming over to Hunk. The water stings his eyes in the familiar way that the earth’s sea used to. He tackles the unassuming Hunk, sending him toppling over into the water.

He looks up, grinning from ear to ear and catches Keith looking at him. When their eyes lock, Keith smiles back at him.

Lance feels on top of the world.

* * *

It’s nearing two months since they started this fling when Lance can feel himself begin to crack.

Despite the moment of peace they had on that beach, it’s went back to their normal bickering soon after.

He feels like he’s stretched thin. Between being a paladin, his crippling homesickness and his messy feelings over Keith, Lance doesn’t have time to relax, his emotions always at the forefront of this thoughts.

They steal at his time, these thoughts, taking up room for anything else.

He constantly stresses over accidentally slipping up and telling Keith how he feels. It’s something he thinks about all the time, so is always on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill out of Lance at any moment.

They’re not always bad, though, love is supposed to be good after all. And, thought Lance can’t be with Keith in the way he wants, it fills him with warmth to see Keith happy.

* * *

“Do you ever think about earth?” It blurts out of Lance one evening. They’d been lying in peaceful silence, basking in the afterglow.

Keith’s head whips up in surprise at hearing Lance talk, which Lance can understand. They don’t really speak to each other much after sex- at least, no more than their usual banter. This was different from their usual conversations, though, and they both knew it.

Lance figures it’s too late to go back now and just stares at him, waiting for an answer.

“Sometimes.” Keith admits, staring back at Lance. He doesn’t think they’ve ever looked at each other for this long without arguing. “Do you?”

“Yeah.” Lance sighs. He never really understood why they called it home ‘sickness’ before coming to space. He feels physically ill every time he thinks of his home.

Their little house pops into his head, unbidden. He can almost smell the saltiness of the beach that is overpowering all down the street.

His feet feel hot with phantom pains of the millions of times he forgot his flip flops and just ran onto the beach, hopping up and down, the sand scorching the soles of his feet.

He misses them all- all seven that he lived with; Mamà, Papá, Lisa, Marco, Veronica, his abuela and abuelo.

He feels guilty that he misses Ronnie the most, but being only a year younger than him, they had a close bond. Especially after Lisa left for college, Marco a couple of years after her.

Lance wonders if Lisa has had her baby yet. He wonders if it’s a boy or girl. He wishes he could be there with her right now. But he can’t.

The silence is overpowering but for once, Lance doesn’t want Keith to say anything. He regrets even starting this conversation.

Keith eyes him for a moment. Lance drops his eyes to his lap, hoping Keith will drop it.

He feels a light pressure on his arm. It’s Keith, his hand curling around Lance’s shoulder comfortingly.

Lance stares at him in surprise and Keith’s twitches where it rests on Lance’s shoulder, as if he wants to pull away.

But he doesn’t.

It stays there until Lance pulls away. He nods his goodbye to Keith, an obvious dismissal, before going into the bathroom.

He sighs, resting his back against the door, listening as Keith dresses quickly and leaves. He slumps further when he hears the door shut.

He knows it’s his fault for pushing Keith away this time but he also knows if he hadn’t moved he would have done something stupid, like kissing Keith the way he wants to, softly and with love. It’s only a matter of time before he tells Keith, he knows this for certain.

* * *

It turns out to be much sooner than Lance expected.

They hardly see each other outside of sex, so Lance is hardly surprised when that’s when it happens.

They’re just kissing, Keith leading with his usual frantic pace, pulling Lance down onto the bed.

But, when he takes a moment to slow down, almost cradling Lance’s face in his hands, Lance just says it.

“I love you.”

And freezes, as soon as he realises what he’s just said. Keith also comes to a halt, his hands pausing in their descent down from Lance’s cheeks to his chest.

An instant regret fills him, overflowing as he takes in Keith’s shocked expression. His mouth hangs open, eyes wide and Lance just wants to kiss it closed, to make Keith forget those words.

But he can’t do that. Not when Keith doesn’t love him back.

The humiliation suddenly becomes unbearable as he realises this. Keith doesn’t even like him- it’s not like they’re even friends.

Lance stands abruptly, pushing Keith off of his lap. Thankfully, for once, they’re in Keith’s room, so Lance doesn’t have to say anything else and can just escape back to his own room.

Before he can even get a step away from the bed, Keith’s hand snaps out to reach for Lance’s, encircling his wrist.

“Wait-“ Keith says. “Wait, Lance, stop.”

Lance cringes, before turning round to face Keith. He might as well get this over with, moving on as soon as possible is the best option here.

“Lance, why are you leaving? You can’t just say something like that and then just go!” Keith says heatedly.

“Oh, yeah?” Lance can’t help but fall back into his old patterns, sneering at Keith to cover up the hurt in his heart. “And why’s that? What are you gonna do about it, huh?”

Keith ignores him, in favour of just sitting silently, staring up at Lance. This only serves to enrage Lance further.

“You love me?” It comes out as almost a whisper, and it drains Lance of his anger. He knows he’s only annoyed at Keith because he’s upset and embarrassed anyway. “Lance? Did you mean it?”

He figures he should just tell the truth now. He doesn’t want to lie- not about this, anyway. “Yes, I meant it.”

His heart stutters in his chest as he sees Keith’s face, taking in the expression of amazement.

“But you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you the truth, for once, I just-“

Keith cuts him off. “I love you too, Lance.”

Lance is pretty sure his heart stops beating for a second.

“What?” He can’t contain his disbelief.

“I love you too.” He moves his grip from Lance’s wrist to his hand, holding it gently, lacing their fingers together. Lance feels warm through out his whole body.

Keith’s free hand comes up to caress Lance’s cheek, as soft as anything, leading him down towards Keith’s lips.

It’s the best kiss Lance has ever had.

Red blooms on Lance’s face as they pull apart, staring at each other uncertainly.

And then, Keith smiles at him- for him- more blinding than the sun, and it’s everything Lance ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> never really written a full on angsty unrequited love type fic before but i love torturing myself with them so🤷
> 
> this was not even supposed to turn out like this aha the first para was written and then it suddenly took a tURn. oops.
> 
> anyways, thank u for reading, pls leave kudos and comments it seriously means so much to hear what you think <3


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